I nearly had heart failure early this morning after seven gut wrenching hours of writing, tweaking, inserting photos, editing, and refining my new post, “After the Fall.” Suddenly, to my horror, it had completely vanished! I had no warning and I don’t recall accidentally deleting it. I hadn’t moved this last blog to the trash though the red line option to do so seemed painfully close to the “publishing” button. I could easily understand how an exhausted blogger might wander into dangerous territory and lose his precious words with a lazy hand on a skittish mouse.
In a flash, I had lost my dignity and reputation. It was a personal, unexplained catastrophe.
In the predawn hours before my blog was zapped, I had linked “After the Fall” to Facebook with a big splash teaser. After its unexplained demise, visitors to my blog site were guided to an excerpt and nada mas! It appeared to be a public deception perpetrated by me!
I was overwhelmed with grief and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me!
In a last ditch effort to resurrect my blog from the dead, I sent a nerve jangling note to Word Press support asking if it had saved “After the Fall” somewhere on its site. (They were at a loss for words) Maybe it was in one big cyber scrap heap waiting to be plucked out of the ashes. I had otherwise vainly tried to locate my blog, combing my account for links to saved drafts, but all I found was the same old measly paragraph salvaged from a writing that had originally contained more than 1440 words!
I had to confront this crisis head on!
Would I be resigned to a tragic creative loss of monumental proportion, or should I try to settle myself down and re-write the entire blog using the big section outline that I still had in my head. Racing against a self imposed deadline, I decided to take the chance to reconstruct what had easily flowed out of me hours before, though now it seemed to be an overwhelming chore. Writer’s block was lurking in the shadows.
My first adult piano student of the afternoon who is always on time, would be knocking on the door at 1:30 p.m. en punto, so I wanted the blog to be completely rewritten, edited and delivered back Online before she arrived. That was a stretch. My expressive thoughts could not be summoned on demand. Words were escaping my grasp as I struggled to retrieve them.
In a final gesture to spare myself further blog related anguish, I called the parent of a piano student, and asked her if she happened to have read my blog hours ago (before the crash) and if, by chance, she had “printed it out.” I was grasping at a straw! Why would anyone but me, or maybe my 96 year old mother living in New York City, think to print out my blog?
Claudia’s mother, Elaine, felt bad that she didn’t print it after she heard the despair in my voice on the phone, and hours later, she brought over some cranberry scones to ease my pain. It felt like a visit you get after the funeral of a loved one.
It was now hours into my nerve racking efforts to produce a replacement blog with a semblance of heartfelt expression and I was still way behind schedule. If I ever managed to post this cloned version, I figured it would never make the grade!
Nothing happened the way I had planned. The blog was finished in name only and there were so many spelling slip ups, bad syntax, and tense shifts that I just left it there as is, so I could complete all my p.m. lessons. In the meantime, I could only imagine the way the blog was being received by the public. It was a devastating thought!
The newest “After the Fall” writing received lots of edits, tweaks, revisions, over the course of many hours, and at long last it finally reached my blog site in a completed form with a new lease on life.
No matter what has now been “published,” I still mourn my writing and the mysterious circumstance of its disappearance. It’s like the loss of a child. You can’t expect to give birth to another to replace what will never come back.
Music is different. The notes are all written down, and you can always renew and revisit your performance when you’re unsatisfied with the one you gave before.
Little Ilyana came to her lesson today just in the nick of time. It was right after my new blog was posted. As fate would have it, this charming youngster brought a little Latina alegria into my studio and brightened my day when I most needed it.
Surprised to see the camcorder set up to vidoetape her playing, Ilyana sat down at the piano and practiced “Taco Joe,” a dance with a catchy Hispanic rhythm. Just a few short months ago, Ilyana’s older sister played “Flamenco “by Gillock which coasted its way to the Internet. Now both kids have made their You Tube debuts and they are ecstatic! So am I, at long last!
( Ilyana and Albertina are featured in two separate videos.)