I couldn’t resist writing a story board for a hypothetical Cable network sitcom about a webcam-enslaved piano teacher.
7:45 a.m. An adult student Skypes in from the Bay area. The camera angle is off. I can see teenage son’s untidy room. He’s under the covers, snoring. Turn down the Yeti mic volume.
Start lesson with Dozen a Day, “Walking and Running,” with sub-divided quarter notes, then 8ths, 16ths and 32nds.
Oops, mom’s quarters are off— they’re way too fast. She’s skittering into a final cadence. WATCH OUT!
Saved by the bell!
Her Cell blares the Titanic theme. She picks up:
A pile of people are heading over for a yoga mat meditation class and someone’s lost. Pause, for directions.
What’s happened to the piano warm-up?
REPEAT: Please slow down those quarter notes!
The smoke alarm? (Ouch! My ears are ringing) The house is about to burn down and those 16ths notes are heading for hell!
Cell phone again!!! This time the lost Yoga club member forgot her mat.
Husband calls down from second floor. He’s turned off the smoke alarm and tossed the burnt toast, but the car battery needs jump-starting.
“Where’s the cable?”
Bleary-eyed, teenage son, clad in underwear, walks past the piano, blocking out mom. He wants his allowance right now!
“Where’s the blasted car keys?”
Husband can’t wait a minute longer for the jump-start cable.
The screen suddenly dims…
I can’t locate my piano student in a vast, orphaned keyboard landscape.
Now the whole room is shaking! Take cover! It’s the DREADED BAY AREA TEMBLOR!
Wait! I just realized, I’m on the safe side of the screen in sleepy, fault-free Fresno!
Has the piano lesson officially ended?
Did my student survive?
I’ll find out soon enough if she reschedules.
Oops, I just checked my watch. It’s late. I gotta go to Australia, land of crocs, for my next Skype.
No time to waste if I wanna make a living at this!
Camera fade out….